A Very Good Place to Start

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.

Blessed John Paul II

World Youth Day, August 2000

Not until I sat down to begin writing did I realize that it has been almost two months to the day since I began this blogging endeavor with my inaugural post.  And considering the amount of traffic this page has seen in that time, I can only assume many of you share my feelings that it indeed has been far too long.  So to those of you who have been faithfully clamoring for more, thank you for your interest, and welcome back!  I made this extra-long just for you! It is my pleasure to write to you for the first time as an official first-year medical student (MS1, as doctors like to abbreviate everything) at Saint Louis University.

White Coat Ceremony
31 July 2011
St. Francis Xavier College Church
*sorry for blurriness

I feel an overwhelming sense of both pride and peculiarity at saying those words: I’m a medical student.  Having been interested in a medical career for a very long time, it seems I’ve spent a good portion of my life preparing for this moment.  I spent countless hours studying, shadowing, investigating, volunteering and discerning, all in the hopes of preparing myself to make a decision and ultimately follow through with that decision.  As a pre-med student, it’s relatively easy to disregard the permanence of your ultimate aspirations to some extent, no matter the fervor of your conviction. Yet now, as it were, the die has been cast.  When you receive that white coat for the first time and begin to recognize all that it represents—both the celebrated honor it bestows and the humbling responsibility it demands—the reality of it all takes hold; when you realize that the material you’re studying could save or condemn the life of another human being, the gravity of the situation begins to sink in.  “Yes, this is really happening,” I often have to remind myself.  I can only imagine these reactions will intensify the first time I slice into the cadaver before me or the first time I walk into an ill patient’s room.  There are sure to be many such firsts, and thinking about them now can be grossly  overwhelming (no pun intended).  Better to cross those bridges as they arise.  Don’t worry, every moment is not saturated with such a deep, cosmic perspective.  Not a day goes by, however, that I don’t experience a moment of “what the hell was I thinking, and what am I doing here?!”  Nevertheless, these are the moments that endow the experience with purpose and excitement, even when non-stop studying becomes wearisome.

Furthermore, I cannot adequately express how thrilled and contented I am to be here at SLU-SOM. As a Catholic, Jesuit institution, the university espouses an inspiring commitment to humanistic medicine which recognizes the sanctity, dignity and due respect of all human life and seeks to provide care in a comprehensive manner.  I was tempted to post the Mission Statement just to show you how awesome it is! (Even though I didn’t, you can find it here!) Moreover, even better than all those words are the supporting actions and teaching methods I’ve already had the opportunity to observe.  To some extent, I knew a lot of this already, but the presentations at the White Coat Ceremony and many other orientation events concretized my previous perceptions.  Perhaps you’ll have to keep coming  back to hear more on that front in the future… Suffice it to say: I don’t know that I could have found a medical school that better suits me, my interests, and my values.  It’s so invigorating to feel that I’m at the right place at the right time. 

My Roommate, Geoff Motz,
and I in White Coats

That doesn’t mean that every day is full of sunshine and rainbows.  (Metaphorically speaking, that is.  The actual weather has been exquisite!)  On the contrary, three weeks of coursework have shown me that medical school does indeed require an insane amount of work.  And we haven’t even gotten to the really hard stuff yet! (So I’m told.)  But the faculty and especially the deans are committed to making this the most positive experience possible for us.  From what I understand, many curricula at other medical schools across the country do their best to make students’ lives miserable as a sort of rite of passage, effectively whipping the humanity out of them.  Consequently, rates of suicide, depression, and burnout are all significantly higher in medical students compared to the general population, a trend that doesn’t end at graduation.  SLUSOM, on the other hand, recognizes the need to preserve and even nurture our humanity for our benefit as well as the betterment of our future patients.  Over the past few years, SLUSOM has taken great strides to combat the unfortunate status quo through the implementation of curriculum changes, mental wellness initiatives, and a slew (tehe!) of other policy changes.  Finally (and perhaps of most immediate importance), the first two years of basic science curriculum are all pass/fail in an attempt to reduce undue stress and to squelch unnecessary competition.  Needless to say, it’s comforting to know that the administration legitimately cares about me and my sanity.

For those of you wondering what my days look like, they’re pretty uneventful at this stage.  We are currently finishing up the third week of an 8-week block of two main courses: Cell Biology and Metabolism.  Then throughout the year, there are mini-classes, seminars, and electives whose scheduling is more irregular.  I spend about 20-25 hours a week in lecture and a then have to study a lot more.  Our next block will be 10 weeks of Human Anatomy, and the time commitment is sure to be significantly higher.  But in the meantime, I’m reconnecting with old friends who are still in St. Louis and making some new ones.  I also continue to cantor about twice a month at St. Vincent de Paul Parish.  As time progresses, I’m sure I will begin to join interest groups and other organizations, but for now, I’ll continue to get my bearings and see where God takes me.

Thank you again for your prayers and support, and I hope to see your comments or hear from you via email.  But before I bid you farewell, I have to thank Miss Rachel Kondro (visit her blog here!) for exposing me to the quote above from the pope of my childhood, Blessed John Paul II.  This excerpt reminds me of my own World Youth Day experience in Sydney, Australia three years ago (WYD11 in Madrid just wrapped up this last weekend) and beautifully summarizes my current sentiments.  The path to which I have been called is no doubt arduous, but I am at peace because I know it is Christ’s Spirit that not only calls but also strengthens, sustains, and enables.

The Road Goes Ever On

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began. 

Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow if I can.

- J.R.R. Tolkein

To all those who come to this virtual place, greetings in Christ!  I am thrilled to welcome you to my very first blog post!  You undoubtedly have many other tasks, obligations, interests and passions to occupy your time, so I delight in your presence.  You may be wondering why I have chosen to begin blogging, especially at this period in my life in which spare moments are sure to be scarce and the Internet is already loaded with trifling poppycock.  True, I am about to embark on my most rigorous course of study yet, and there does seem to be a pervasive compulsion today to digitally publish every detail of one’s life; all the same, I hope some thoughtful prose will provide a nice outlet away from the technical demands of medical school, and I hope it exhibits a refined experience for you: friends, loved ones and strangers who stumble upon my experiences here.

A few short weeks ago, I received my baccalaureate degree from Saint Louis University.  One of the most important skills cultivated during my undergraduate experience—and a true hallmark, I believe, of a Jesuit education—was a spirit of discernment founded in Ignatian Spirituality.  Though I began my college career with a clear interest in the medical field, I used my time at SLU to explore my interests, gifts and desires, seeking ways to integrate them in a manner that would serve humanity and glorify God.  Through much prayer, reflection, mentoring and hard work, I was able to choose more confidently the profession of physician.  For this reason and several more, I am thrilled to continue my education at Saint Louis University School of Medicine.  And this time, I would like to give the world a window into my discernment, my experience, my journey.

On this blog, you can expect to find interesting stories of my experiences, observations on current issues in medicine, and commentaries on the intersection of faith, medicine, culture and most likely several others of my varied interests.  I do not know how often I will be able to post, but I promise to be as interesting as possible as often as possible (without overdoing it, of course).  For those of you with whom I will not be able to communicate regularly, I hope that this allows you to share this journey with me as a companion; for the rest of the world, I pray this be an opportunity to grow in mutual understanding of one another.  Respectful comments are welcome, as are private messages via email. I look forward to the conversation.

The verse above (inspiration for this inaugural post’s title) is an excerpt from one of the many songs in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, my favorite piece of both literature and film.  Indeed, the road ahead of me is quite long, both thrilling and daunting.  Yet I am assured that the Road set before me has been laid by a loving God, and I am reassured to have the love and support of such wonderful companions.  The academic year begins with the White Coat Ceremony on July 31.  Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I journey forward, and do stay in touch.  Love and blessings to you all!